Fight hundreds of exhilarating paddle foes, like "Your Mother's Subconscious" and "Cthulhu"!

Turn boss paddles into lovers with the patented paddle romance system!

Cast devastating magic spells, like "Psychic Repulsor" and "Hypergalactica"!

Capture and ride mysterious wild beasts, like the "Goose-Mill" and "Moshi"!

Discover new equipment, like "Someone's Underwear" and the "Tori Amos CD Case Shoes"!

Full voiceover by Mark Meer (Commander Shepard, Mass Effect). Listen to him grunt!

Fire soundtrack by Ghost Cartridge... If you can survive long enough to unlock it!

Engage in deep, meaningful (but short & sweet) conversations with enemy paddles!

Level Up, Upgrade your Paddle Stats, and unlock new abilities, like "Animal Husbandry" and "Fashion Sense"!

Paddle those balls!